The Road Not Even Attempted

One of my favorite things to do on college tours is to ask students if the college they’re attending was their first choice. When that happens, I pause for a second and wait for the statement I hear almost 100% of the time:  “and I couldn’t imagine myself anywhere else”.   Such was the case this week as I interviewed a lovely young woman whose first choice was UCLA School of Theatre, Film and Television and is happily thriving in her first year at the Newhouse School at Syracuse University.

If I was hiring for a company, and this was the only question I was allowed to ask, I would hire this young woman based solely on this one response, because I would know that she has the resilience to not only attempt challenging situations but to be able to recover from a difficult outcome and adapt her perspective to embrace the new opportunity.   

Over the last few years, resilience has become a corporate buzzword and is often described as one of the top qualities that companies should look for in hiring, as well as the quality responsible for creating a successful and happy work experience.  But resilience is much more than a corporate buzzword. Resilience is an important factor in how we handle any life situation, as well as the ones that we choose to tackle in the first place. It helps us to aim high and trust that what we learn from the process is just as valuable as the experience itself and provides information that will help us in future situations!

The first step in establishing resilience is the willingness to experience your emotions and being aware of how you’re feeling. Before we can “bounce back” from disappointment, sadness, or anger, we have to feel it first, a skill that is key in developing “Emotional Agility”, as described by Susan David in her book of the same name. 

David describes in this article, how experiencing emotions – not pushing them down, negating them or berating ourselves for having them - helps us to recognize that they are essential in providing feedback that strength the muscles of courage and adventure – which helps us to not only reach higher but dream BIGGER! 

The other part of resilience is adapting your perspective to embrace the new situation.  It is only when we are able to release the feelings around what was, that we are able to start to ask the questions that help change our perspective to be open to creating “what could be”

Which is exactly what this lovely young woman did.  You could hear her excitement as she talked about her experience at Syracuse– the sense of community, the beautiful snowy days, the neighborhood basement concerts and the bus on campus that took you into the city where there were amazing restaurants and open mike nights.

To borrow from Robert Frost’s famous quote, building that muscle of resilience is what helps us BEFORE we get to choosing “the road less traveled” so that we don’t miss or look back with regret on “the road we didn’t attempt at all”. 

Creating the college experience BEYOND the checklist!

There is nothing better than when I speak with my students after their first year of college and they tell me that they couldn’t imagine themselves anywhere else.  

There are very few “absolutes” in the way I work with them, but one of the things I insist on is that there are no “safety” schools on their list.  Now, that doesn’t mean they don’t have a varying range of colleges with different admission requirements and acceptance rates. What it means, is that each college listed is one that they could picture themselves going to and offers the criteria and experience that is important to them.

Most of the information that is presented on the tour, or in a college fair presentation, helps a student and their family learn more about how that the college matches up with the profile of what they are looking for:

Small class sizes – check!

Nice dorms, great places to eat – check!

Internships – check!

Statistics on graduating in 4 years– check!

Clubs, Greek Life – check!

Proximity to beach/mountains/hiking/skiing – check!

So why do some students come home from their first semester, or even their first year, feeling like they made a mistake or they’re not where they are supposed to be.

Part of it, is the sheer adjustment to college life and we’ll chat about that in a future post.

The other part, is that there is more to choosing a college than knowing it’s a good fit on paper, and that’s where the “coach-approach” comes in.  It helps go beyond the checklist in order to:

         Develop the experience that the student is looking for

         Provide a way for the student to be able to articulate that

         Continue to enhance and refine the criteria, based on new information

And a big part of this is setting up the expectation that this is an ongoing process.  Letting your child know that developing his college criteria will be executed over time also takes a lot of the pressure off of not having to “get it right the first time”.

Going beyond the initial checklist is similar to crafting an impactful essay.  It's not a “one and done” activity, but one that includes multiple drafts, where each effort is geared towards going deeper to provide more information that will result in an essay that truly represents the students’ unique voice. 

In working with my students, creating their college criteria is something that they start to do after their first meeting.  Each subsequent experience, whether it be a college tour or input from friends and family provides new information that is evaluated against the first "draft" and continues to be enhanced and refined until it is time to apply. 

So how can you go beyond the checklist with your child?  Here are 3 steps to help you get started:

1.  Establish the initial criteria - there are numerous websites, like this one, that will help to create a basic list of college criteria.  Don't worry if the list doesn't cover "everything".  Starting with a shorter list and building on that is actually much less overwhelming and invites more discussion and input.  

2.  Provide opportunities to evaluate the criteria - the key is to provide different ideas and ways to do this and let your child decide which they want to do.  Visiting college websites, taking a college tour, going to a college fair, talking to friends and relatives about their college experience are all great ways to get a stronger idea about what is important to them.

3.  Continue to enhance and refine, based on the input - ask them about their thoughts about what they heard.  Questions such as: "What about that sounded interesting"? or "How does that match with your initial criteria" encourages them to edit and enhance based on their initial list. 

Going beyond the checklist will help to make the college experience AND the journey getting there much more enjoyable - for your child AND for you!

Be a Pepper, Be YOU!

Did you know that Dr. Pepper was created in the 1880’s by Charles Alderton in Waco, Texas and to commemorate that fact, Baylor University has a long-standing tradition called "Dr. Pepper Hour" where each week, students, faculty and staff come together for a free Dr. Pepper float!!

I discovered this delightful tradition at a recent Regional Admissions Counselors Conference where fifty (50) colleges in attendance had the pressure-filled task of communicating in two minutes or less what made their university special and why students should consider them. 

Besides being an extremely interesting and informative event, it was a fantastic reminder about how the pressure of getting into the “best college” and the angst around getting “accepted” has skewed the focus away from the concept that the student actually gets to choose.   The brochures, the websites, the college fairs, the college tours are all designed with the purpose of communicating the college's unique “brand” so that the student is able to distinguish how well it matches up with the criteria that is important to them, and they can more easily imagine the type of experience they could create there.   

In Jeffrey Seligo's recent article in the Washington Post, he reminds us that "there are thousands of colleges in the U.S., and the vast majority of them accept far more applicants than they reject." Not to mention, these are the colleges that generally are more generous with financial aid. 

As I listened to Baylor’s presentation, I realized that THEY were the ones that felt the pressure of showcasing their personality and “brand” amongst the almost 200 colleges and universities in the state of Texas, many of them located in much bigger (and more desirable) cities than Waco. 

So how do we continue to shift the focus and pressure OFF of the students and back ONTO the colleges?

Two of the best ways to minimize stress in any situation is to feel that we have more opportunities and more time.  Whenever we feel that our options or our time is limited, it creates much more pressure. The more time we have and the earlier we start, the more options we can create, which leads to more choices, less pressure and ultimately less overwhelm and stress.   

But how do we create more time?  How early is "too early" to start. And doesn’t “college talk” in 8th grade create even MORE stress?

We create more time and less stress by starting early AND shifting the focus from the college to the student, by having them think about their personal brand – what makes them unique, why that is important to them and how they want to continue to develop that throughout high school. 

By definition, personal branding is the ongoing process of establishing an image or impression in the minds of others, with the key word being ONGOING! 

Starting to think about this in 8th grade versus 11th or 12th grade provides the time and the opportunity to lay the groundwork and make choices that will help them continue to build on that foundation. 

Asking questions like:

1.     What are five words you would use to describe yourself?

2.     Why did you choose those words? What about them matters to you?

3.     What are activities, friendships or classes that demonstrate that?

Helps your child to gain insight into their “brand” – their unique strengths and talents – and understand that they have the opportunity to choose how they want to change or enhance that through the choices they make in high school.  Most important, it takes the pressure off of feeling like the college is choosing them; that it is they who have the opportunity to choose the college and the pathway to get there, that maximizes their unique “brand”.   

In the words of Dr. Pepper: "Be You", continue to "build your brand" and you'll find there are many choices of colleges that provide a great fit!

Baylor probably knows that there are many people whose tastes don’t include Dr. Pepper, and that’s okay!  Because they DO know that the ones that ARE thrilled by the free Dr. Pepper floats are going to be a great fit for their university – and vice-versa!!

"Mastering" Our Opportunity To Perform

The Webster definition of mastery is“possession or display of a great skill or technique” and, as such, it can be applied to anything from playing a musical instrument to running a marathon, while the definition of performance is the “act or action of carrying out or accomplishing a task”.

What’s interesting is that the Webster definition of performance does not include judgment, yet we often evaluate our performance based on how well we did or didn’t do.   The difference between saying, “I completed the golf game” versus “I shot a 120 today – I performed poorly” is that when feedback is evaluated from a perspective of “good or bad” versus just information, it limits our opportunity to learn and grow from the experience.

The shift in focus from performance to mastery is not new and has been utilized in a variety of industries. It is the equivalent of a golfer concentrating on his swing or a swimmer working on his stroke.  It is the difference between making a small change in our eating habits and “mastering” that behavior versus judging our performance based solely on the numbers on the scale.  The concentration on mastery of a skill or technique and building on that provides the motivation and momentum to create performance that is long-term and sustainable.

This concept can be utilized in all aspects of college planning, from standardized test prep to time management. Focusing on a goal of “mastery” helps to lessen stress and overwhelm which increases our ability to learn, enhances our propensity to stay motivated, and ultimately impacts our overall performance long-term.

I had the opportunity to implement this with one of my students who was having difficulty with time management.  He was staying up anywhere from 11pm to 1:00am each evening and having a hard time staying awake in class, let alone getting up in the morning.  Each week, he set out a performance goal of “getting seven hours of sleep a night” and each night that he didn’t do that, he felt frustrated and discouraged.   I asked him whether he performed better at night or in the morning and he said that he actually was fresher in the morning.  I also asked him if he had any time during school to study and he said that he did have a break in 2nd period, but he was always so exhausted, he couldn’t maximize that opportunity. 

So we tried an experiment.  I asked him to focus on stopping whatever he was working on by 11:00pm He could go to sleep and wake up whenever he wanted, but he had to stop working at 11:00pm.  The focus was on mastering this technique of a “stop-time”, versus the pressure of achieving the performance goal of getting 7 hours of sleep.   He agreed to do that for a week and observe what happened. 

Within a week, he had absolutely “mastered” that goal.  Knowing that he had to stop at 11:00pm, he managed his time each evening so that he got done what he needed to and if he didn’t, the awesome part was that he had a good six and a half hours sleep each night, which gave him more energy during the day.  He experimented on the “mastery” of that skill and altered his “stop-time” from 11:00pm to 10:30pm to see what happened.  By the end of the month, he had achieved his performance goal and was sleeping seven hours a night.  The best part, is when he realized how this “mastery process”, as he called it, could be utilized in other areas of his life!

When a student is able to complete the “action of carrying out the task” whether it be time management, developing their college list, visiting colleges or writing their essay AND utilize the awareness and knowledge they gain from the “mastery” of the skills, techniques and tools they used in the process, this creates the confidence and resilience that will impact performance throughout their life!

Which is truly the definition of “mastering the opportunity”!

"What we see, depends on what we are looking for"

I was on a group call the other day and the facilitator asked us to turn away from our computers and for the next minute, notice all the items in the room that were black.

The fireplace screen, the picture frames, my shoes on the floor, I made a mental note of everything I could find in the family room in one minute.  When we turned back around she said to us, “okay, now tell me everything you saw in the room that was……BLUE".  The reactions from the participants were everything from laughter to dismay.  “What!  I only looked for items that were black, I didn’t look for the blue items – you didn’t tell me to do that”.

And, with that one-minute exercise, she beautifully demonstrated how our perspective influences what we notice, what we DON’T notice, and ultimately, has an effect on the choices we make.

Our perspective, our “lens”,  is influenced by our beliefs, our interpretations and our assumptions from our collective experiences.  For example, if we touch a hot stove and get burned, we know not to do that again.  But most experiences we have aren’t so clearly right or wrong or good or bad.  And these are the opportunities to learn and grow and open up our perspective to include a broader view.

I was recently talking with a student about including community college as one of his pathways and he wouldn’t even consider it.   His belief was that students who go to community college have no other option.  They were the students who don’t work hard or care about their future.   I shared with him how I’ve been privileged to work with so many bright and hard-working students who began their college career at a community college and who are now attending or have graduated from colleges like UC Davis, UC San Diego, UC Santa Barbara and USC, to name a few recent examples.  Their wide-angle lens saw community college as the ideal pathway to achieve their goals.

Upon hearing this new “interpretation” and combining that with viewing it through the perspective of his values, he was able to open his lens a little wider to include this new “pathway”, which lessened his overall stress and helped him perform better throughout high school and in completing his applications.

There are so many examples of how our beliefs, assumptions and interpretations can limit our choices when it comes to college planning – from relying solely on rankings by U.S. News and World Report to not choosing a certain class or activity based on past experience.

The opportunity is to not let one experience become the “lens” with which we view all other events.  Failing a class, not making a team, missing out on the lead in the school play – all of these are opportunities to use the experience as feedback for how you want to approach the situation differently next time.  One event, or a few people need not form our beliefs, interpretations and assumptions.  By expanding what we are looking for, and using a wide-angle lens, we are able to  see ALL of the items in the family room – not just the ones someone tells us to look for. 

"Go to college, go directly to college.....or not"

Thanks to google, you can find information on anything you need, immediately condensed into a “top 10 list” or a "5 question survey" to help you figure it out.  It’s great when you know what you’re looking for and why you need it. 

But, what about when you have no idea?   A handy quiz or survey may help narrow things down, but it may also provide frustration and disappointment if the answers don’t exactly fit. 

Which is especially true if you're a teen on the precipice of graduating high school, trying to  decide “the rest of your life” or “who you are” or “what you want to be, or do”.

The pathways that most students follow are that of going straight from high school to a 4 year college. Some may go to community college for two years and then transfer, or take a year off before doing so, but the eventual path is attending a 4 year college, whether it is directly or indirectly.  Even the Gap Year, which is gaining more popularity, is seen as an “alternative” path,  outside of the norm.

In tackling the big questions of "the rest of your life",  it may seem easier to have someone just tell us what to do: "go to college, go directly to college, do not pass go!".   Sometimes it feels easier to have only a few options, so that we don’t have to think about it or deal with it and we can move on to the next thing.  But what if we are trying to figure out WHAT the next thing is? And what if the available options just don’t seem to fit?  That can bring up even more questions and doubts, like "why doesn't this option fit" or worse "what's wrong with me that it doesn't?" (Answer:  NOTHING is wrong with you!)

In Jeffrey Selingo’s book,  “There is Life After College”,  he talks about how this traditional pathway from high school to college to job to house to family has been ingrained in our culture since post-World War II, over 70 years ago! That would be the technological equivalent of still using a rotary phone instead of your smart phone – which isn’t even possible anymore! 

I remember when I was first coming up with the name of my business. My ideal name would have been “pathways to life after high school” because my mission was to help teens understand that there is no “one size fits all” and that there are multiple pathways to explore and create your destination.  Because when you remove the limits, and “go big”, it takes away the stress and the pressure which helps to more easily explore and create all sorts of opportunities and possibilities!  THEN you have the foundation to build the individual pathway that works best!

What does that look like?  My favorite example is a student who finished high school and definitely was not excited about spending the next four years attending classes that he didn’t enjoy in high school.  He had no idea what he wanted to do for “the rest of his life” and didn’t want to spend the money or the time “browsing” through classes in the hopes of finding his “a ha” moment of discovery.  Even the idea of breaking it down into attending community college first did not appeal to him. He was a “doer” and learned best from having actual experiences, rather than studying about them.  Yet the idea of a Gap Year program was not only too expensive, he felt like he needed to figure out who he was and what was important to him to engage in one of the programs. "If I’m going to spend a ton of money working with the ecossystem in South America, I want to know for sure that this is close to what I want to do with my life."  Agreed!

So, in order to figure out where he wanted to go, we began with the premise that it would be more inspiring and more fun to figure out how he wanted to get there. 

We started with these questions:  

“What would the ideal program be for someone who graduated high school, had no idea what they wanted to do, but absolutely knew they didn’t want to sit in a classroom”?

“If you were designing the  program – what elements would it contain?  How would you structure it?

I’m not saying we came up with the answers overnight. It took a while, because after 12 years of classroom training, where students are mostly encouraged to follow a specific pathway and rewarded by staying within a structured curriculum, the opportunity to go beyond reality doesn’t come up very often.  But once that barrier was lifted and the limits were off, we got pretty creative.

Just as college is divided into semesters or quarters, he is dividing the year into 4 quarters.  Each quarter, he is going to pick four different job/career areas that he is interested in learning more about and he is going to devote that quarter to taking “classes” in that area.  Classes can be accomplished through conducting informational interviews with people in the profession, getting a paid job or internship working in that area, or getting an unpaid internship in that area and getting a job in a related field to finance his “quarter”.  We’re in the process of creating the structure and execution, but the most exciting part, is that this is HIS pathway, and supports HIS strengths of “learning by doing”.  It helps him to continue to explore and discover his interests, and provides forward momentum!  It’s a total win/win for his parents too – because not only is he contributing to supporting himself, he is also going to be learning valuable workplace skills and tools that will serve him now and in the future!

He may very well choose to go to college,  but the difference is that he will be choosing to do so with more clarity and focus as to what he wants to accomplish and why it is important to him, and he will have created his own unique pathway to get there!

"You can't win if you don't play"

One of the simplest and most straight-forward advertising messages out there is the one for the lottery:  "You can't win if you don't play".   It is a great slogan and SO true.  Are the odds of winning ridiculous?  Yes.  But one thing is for certain – without buying a ticket, your odds of winning are very easy to calculate – zero!

With the upcoming FAFSA date of October 1st fast approaching, this is a great time to apply the same logic.  While depending on your financial situation, the amount of need-based aid may be little, one thing is for certain.  If you don’t fill out the form, your chance of receiving any federal need-based aid is easy to calculate – zero!

That’s why I am dedicating this month’s blog to making it as easy as possible for you to get the answers and information you need so you can complete the FAFSA on October 1st.  Here are the top 5 places to start:

1. The FAFSA website:  This is where you begin the process.  The new 2017-2018 FAFSA will be available beginning October 1st, 2016.

2. The FAFSA FAQ guide:  This downloadable pdf is a one-sheet that provides answers to the most FAQ for the new FAFSA cycle.  Download and keep handy.

3. YouTube videos like these: We know that YouTube is awesome for cute cat videos, but did you know that you can find all sorts of resources that will help you complete the FAFSA.  These are just two of many videos that are available.  Make sure that you put "2017-2018 FAFSA" in the search, so you get the most current information.

4. The financial aid offices of the colleges that you are applying to are also great resources.  Start by looking up the office of student financial aid on the college website, where you will most likely find a FAQ sheet that relates to the college specifically AND the FAFSA in general.  This one and this one were two of many I found, so check out the colleges you are applying to and see what information they have on their website. 

5. The website finaid.org provides a plethora of information and this specific link answers questions about eligibility, as well as other financial aid questions. There is a reason that most of the financial aid information websites contain the name Mark Kantrowitz. He is one of the leading experts on financial aid and the creator of FinAid, as well as the publisher of Fastweb and Cappex. 

Okay!  You're now ready to get started!

And, don’t forget!  Once you’ve completed the FAFSA, go out and purchase a lottery ticket!!  You never know!!

Dazed and Confused

You know the quote “that which does not kill us, makes us stronger”?  If that is indeed true, then the college admissions and application process will make all of us invincible!

This year, in particular,  there are changes in almost all parts of the process, from the different applications that are available to the early deadline for the FAFSA. 

So here is my list of the Top 3 Changes in the Fall 2017 Admissions Process:

1.     New personal insight questions for the UC applications

This year, the personal statement has been replaced with the personal insight questions.  Students have the opportunity to choose four (4) out of the eight (8) to questions to answer. 

What this means, is that the student has more of an opportunity to showcase who they are in areas of leadership, academic passion, creativity or any other area they choose.  It also means that they need to be able to express that in a succinct and focused way, as each short answer question requires only 350 words.  For more information, click here: 

2.     A new application – the Coalition Application

A new group called the Coalition for Access and Affordability chose to create an entirely new application.  

I’ll leave it to you, for now, to read more about them, but suffice it to say that as with anything new, there are going to be “kinks” to work out, and it will be more confusing before they accomplish one of their primary goals, which is to make it easier for students to apply.

As an example, Wake Forest, a new Coalition member college, now has FOUR different ways to apply:  Coalition Application, Common Application, their own application and through CFNC – or College Foundation of North Carolina. 

There are currently 94 member colleges of the Coalition, and as of last count only 56 are taking the application this year and 38 are waiting it out until next year. 

What this means, is that it is more important than ever to double and triple check the admission requirements of each college you are applying to so you can decide what application will be best to use for your individual needs.

3.     New FAFSA deadline and PPY (Prior, prior year)

You will now be able to submit the FAFSA starting on October 1st, 2016, instead of January 1st, 2017.  The earlier submission date also means that the tax information required will be from 2015, as in prior prior year.   One of the overall goals for this new deadline is for families to receive feedback from colleges on financial aid closer to the same time that college acceptances are sent out, so that they are able to include this information into their overall decision-making process much earlier. 

What this means, is that state deadlines as well as those of each individual college will also be impacted so it is important to be super vigilant as to how this all ties together and make sure that you check the deadlines on the college website and ask the college how the earlier FAFSA deadline will effect when financial aid will be awarded.  Many colleges have already moved up their priority admissions deadlines so that they can make decisions earlier to coincide with this new federal FAFSA date.  

While there is much more that is part of the overall admissions process, these are the three overall changes that affect the most number of applicants.

I often hear from my clients that one of the things they appreciate Is that with all they have on their plates, it is great to have someone who can weed through the huge amount of information out there and find what they need that is relevant for their specific situation to guide them through the process.

My hope is that this post helps you feel more informed and knowledgeable and a little less dazed and confused. 

All right, all right, all right….!

College Experience or College Regret

I’ve been a subscriber to Consumer Reports for longer than I can remember.  They have always been my “go to” source for confirming the reliability of a product or service and the final say in validating my purchases from washing machines to waffle makers, as they do not accept advertising and remain independent of corporate influence. 

So I was thrilled when I saw that Consumer Reports had dedicated their August 2016 issue to student debt and surveyed over 1,500 Americans to get information that they could use to educate the public and bring about reform.   

Student debt has certainly been something that has been talked about for several years but the “crisis proportions” it has reached and its impact on multi-generations has exponentially increased its presence in the media.

Of the many facts and figures contained in the various articles in the issue, one of the more disturbing quotes that I read was that “45% of people with student loan debt said that college wasn’t worth it”.

I'll admit, my initial reaction to this quote was to curl up in a ball in the fetal position or down an entire pint of my favorite Ben and Jerry’s ice-cream.  Regret feels like such a sad emotion, full of lost opportunity and unfulfilled experiences,  but it doesn’t have to be.  Instead, regret can be the opportunity to look at what was done before and use the information to choose a different path.  

The results of the survey and the information shared in this article provide the chance to ask questions that help to create a different plan - one that yields more optimistic results for your children’s college experience and your family’s financial future.  

Below are five key questions that you can ask your child that encourage them (and you) to consider the financial aspect up front in their overall college planning:

1.  How can I create a plan so that I can graduate and know that college was worth it for me?

2.  What will create a worthwhile experience for me academically, socially, financially (in terms of overall college cost)?

3.  What are all of the financial options that are available to me? 

4.  What amount of debt am I comfortable with post-college?

5.  What college(s) will best help me to maximize my overall goals and minimize my debt?

Notice that these questions do not assume that there is one best way.  There are many examples of students who graduate with large student loan debt and manage that extremely well.  The key, is that they PLAN for this up front and understand what is involved, as opposed to students who made financial aid decisions without obtaining any help or had no knowledge of what they got themselves into.

Taking the time to explore and discover the answers to these questions help students and their families to think about the overall outcomes and intention they want to achieve academically, socially,  emotionally and financially – which turns college regret into a successful college experience!

The 5 Key Skills for Success Your High Schooler Needs Now

I recently attended a symposium that was conducted by the IECA entitled “Future Trends in College Admissions”.  The first hour of the panel consisted of questions posed to Deans of Enrollment and Admissions at some of the top private west coast colleges on all subjects from rising tuition to the new coalition application.  What was interesting, was that no matter what the topic or question, each and every panelist continued to emphasize their concern about two main topics: 

1.  The increasing amount of anxiety and stress surrounding college preparation and the application process

2.  The importance of college readiness in achieving success in college and post-college

And, when they described college readiness, not one of them talked about technical skills (with the exception of strong writing), but instead focused on the student being able to possess the following key skills:  the ability to make decisions, navigate challenges on their own, resolve conflict, and ability to grow and gain self-awareness! 

Hearing this made me fired up and even MORE resolved to do what I do and HOW I do it!   And I’m not alone!

Julie Lythcott-Haims talks about this in her book “How To Raise An Adult” and on her website,  when she makes observations about self-awareness like:  “Teens and young adults can speak of what they've accomplished, but not about who they are".    

Don’t get me wrong, I am all about the technical aspects of college planning like preparing ahead,  making a plan and starting early to figure out what colleges may be a good fit.  It is just SO much more productive and effective – both in the short term AND long term – when it is done from the well-rounded perspective of integrating the technical skills that need to be done with the "soft skills" that are needed to prepare young adults for college AND workplace readiness.

So what can we do about it?  How can we help our children learn and grow from their experiences and develop the skills and tools that will help them in college, in the workplace and in life? How can we do this while also minimizing the overwhelm and stress associated with college preparation?

From a coach-centric perspective, the first step is the awareness.  The second step is continuing to promote that awareness. These are huge issues, ones that myself and others have written about and will continue to do so.

My focus today is on the importance of “soft skills.  Now that we are aware that there is a need to learn and practice these “soft skills” earlier and often, and the importance of mastering these for college and especially in the workplace, this can lead to the outcome we wish to achieve, which is providing our children with the opportunity to build and strengthen that foundation in high school and in planning for college.

I took a representative sampling from career websites, employer websites,  publications like Fast Company and Forbes, as well as Jeffrey Selingo’s latest book “There Is Life After College”.  In almost every case, these were the top 5 skills that came up:

1.     Communication Skills – including the ability to speak up, to ask questions, to be curious and to be open to learning 

2.     Adaptability – including having a flexible mindset, being able to handle “curve balls” and to think on your feet

3.     Creative problem solving – including the ability to analyze a situation and make decisions quickly and without supervision

4.     Conflict management – including the ability to work in teams, to relate to people, to accept and give feedback that is constructive AND to realize failure is part of the learning process

5.     Being detail-oriented - including organization and time management

What does that look like as a parent?  How do we support without rescuing? In contrast to the “helicopter parent” described in “How To Raise An Adult”, one of the Deans of Enrollment suggested the model of the “submarine parent”: The submarine parent is one who cruises along, under water, below the surface, at a safe distance away from the student and pops up occasionally to look around, and let the student know that they are there if they need them, BUT lets the student do the work.  This empowers them to take ownership of the process and gain confidence and self-esteem, knowing they can handle things on their own. It’s about taking a step back so they are able to step up and know that they have the skills and tools to do so!

I’d love to hear your thoughts!  Feel free to write your comments below, or on my Facebook page 

Or better yet, please share this if you agree!!!

Happy Independence Day to all! 

Warning: May Contain Overuse of Disclaimers

Did you know that there is a website where this guy put together one of the largest and longest list of disclaimers  - 687 of them!!

Don’t ask me how I even found that site. 

Or, what compelled me to sit and read each and every one.  I was mesmerized!

Of ALL of the disclaimers listed, probably the one that stood out for me is: “Individual results may vary”.

“Why that one”, you might ask.  And I think the reason it appeals to me is because, as a coach, I look at this disclaimer as recognizing that every single person has the opportunity to experience a difference outcome JUST by the very nature of who they are as an individual. 

They also have the possibility of creating and influencing their individual results just by HOW they choose to approach the outcome and WHY they made that choice!

Plus, if there EVER was a place to include the disclaimer “Individual results may vary”, it is with the use of college search websites.

There are a plethora of websites out there, so just figuring out which one(s) you want to use needs to include the disclaimer “May cause dizziness”, so let’s start with this link.  

I also recently featured this list on my facebook page (which is another resource I provide to minimize dizziness and help you sort through the massive amount of information out there!) 

One of the websites included in this list that I use with many of my students is niche.com, which has lots of statistics, as well as student reviews and grades for most aspects of college student life.

However, the reason this website is particularly applicable to our "Individual results may vary" disclaimer, is that the information is written by students, which means that it is based on each person’s “individual results” and their perspective. 

Plus, the difference in maximizing this website can vary widely based on a student’s understanding of what they are looking for in a college experience and why it is important to them.

A recent scenario comes to mind.  I was working with a student who listed amongst their criteria that "a school that did not have a big party scene" was a priority. 

At first glance, as they were reviewing the college, the overall grade that the school received was a B, but upon further evaluation, using this student’s criteria, we found that the college's overall grade was based on part on their lack of partying and Greek life, while scoring well in academics – EXACTLY what this student was looking for!  They were able to maximize their use of this website AND the “negative" disclaimer in this case was a HUGE positive for the student! 

Even choosing which of the ten websites to use may need the disclaimer:  "Caution: May cause drowsiness, nausea, dizziness, or blurred vision",  so I recommend breaking it down into more manageable steps and starting with these two: Cappex  and Chegg.  Once you get an idea of which colleges you are interested in and why, you can move to the websites that provide the more individualized discussion and feedback,  as a way to confirm your own already developed opinions and ideas.

I hope that this information provides a place for you to start!  Let me know your thoughts!

And, above all,  in working with your children on any and all aspects of college planning, it is great to apply the disclaimer of:

“Some humor included”

Where you go is DEFINITELY not who you are or who you WILL be!

Each year, there are admission results that seem mind-boggling but THIS year seems to have been one of the most random and unpredictable – so much so, that it is making national headlines.

Not surprisingly, one of the results of such randomness is trying hard to figure out what can be done to “outthink” the colleges and how to start college planning even earlier so that one can craft an admissions profile that will guarantee acceptance into that “dream” college.

At the risk of sounding like a Grinch at Christmas, let me save you a ton of time:

There are no guarantees or magic extracurricular resume formulas that guarantee acceptance

There is no PERFECT essay formula that automatically gets you into an Ivy League college

Transferring to a lower-performing high school so that you rank higher will not insure that you get into your college of choice

Here’s why.  Colleges are businesses and it is to THEIR advantage to get as many applications as possible, as early as possible.  Think about filling the slots at a college in much the same way you think about filling airlines seats or hotel rooms.  It is based on an inventory system called “yield management”.   We even used this when I was in the radio business to maximize our commercial sales.

The yield in college admissions is the percentage of students who choose to enroll in a particular college after having been offered admission. It is calculated by dividing the number of students who choose to enroll at a school, by the number of offers of acceptance and multiplying by one hundred. (Source: Wikipedia.org). A higher yield indicates greater interest in enrolling at a particular college or university.

Colleges use this for marketing and recruitment purposes and it has led to the frenzy that has been escalating over the last 5-10 years. 

It could very well be one of the reasons that early action and early decision was created.  Just like in hotels and airlines and radio commercials,  the earlier that they know how many seats are filled or spots are taken, the easier it is for them to plan, right?

And the effect, is that more applications are submitted to way more colleges (some of which are just submitted to “cover all the bases”), which actually decreases the opportunities for other students AND creates higher stress and anxiety for students and their families, as this article describes.

Happily, what often happens when a situation like this reaches a fever pitch is that people start to take notice and look at ways to impact the system, as Frank Bruni, Op-Ed columnist for the New York Times and best-selling author,  describes in his article in January - interestingly, written even BEFORE this season's random and unpredictable acceptance period over the last several months.

BUT, as this Dean of Admissions points out in her Op-Ed piece in the New York Times – it takes a change in the system AND a change in how we REACT to it. 

Imagine if an airline or hotel USED selectivity in marketing and advertising?  And U.S. News and World Report and Forbes then wrote articles like “Top 5 hotels in the country that are the most selective to get into”.

A few people would be more motivated to try to stay there, for sure, but the rest of us would probably say “that’s okay, I’ll just stay somewhere else”.

And that is exactly what you can do with the college process.  You can not give in to the pressure and the hype.  You can guide your children to prepare in a way that helps them say: “Based on what I know I want from a college experience and why - I know that any of these 6 schools are ones that I would be happy at”.  Basically, to paraphrase the title of Frank Bruni's book, -  knowing that where you go to college is NOT who you are or who you will become!

Which means, the emphasis during the college planning process, can be more fun, less stressful and much more about continuing to figure out who you are, what you want and WHY!

Instead of trying to put together a resume that you think a certain college wants to see, you can continue to build your extracurricular resume based on your strengths, interests and passions - and trying NEW things, so that you can EXPAND on who you are and what you love.

Instead of trying to follow the "perfect formula for the Ivy-League essay", you can put your energy into writing an essay that rounds out your overall application profile by sharing who you are, what is unique and special about you and lets the colleges get to know you and why you'd make an impact there. 

And instead of jumping from high school to high school so that you can be at the head of the class, you can spend time cultivating friendships and relationships with peers and teachers that will create a lifetime of memories and support you to stretch yourself. 

The more you spend time developing who you are and what you want to be, the easier it will be to find multiple colleges that will help you to grow and build on that and offer many opportunities for you to design your future!!

I'd love to hear from you!  What do you think about the current situation in college admissions?  What is your family's "go to" strategy for staying out of the admissions frenzy?

Navigating the College Fair - the journey AND the destination

There are so many quotes about planning ahead and the importance of doing so.  I am a big believer in having a plan, and I am also a believer in having a designated OUTCOME you want to achieve.  These are very different, in my mind, because a plan is the steps or coordinates to get you there and the outcome is the destination – where you want to end up.

For example, let’s say you’re planning a trip to the Grand Canyon.  The plan you put together and the route you take and how it all unfolds may vary a bit, but knowing that this is where you want to end up helps you to course-correct and even create room in your plan if “things go astray”.

And, like planning a trip, I am a firm believer that this strategy works extremely well in college planning and especially when it comes to attending a college fair. 

WHY?  Because if you have no idea where you want to end up, you could find yourself wandering around aimlessly, with a bored, surly, frustrated teenager, who ends up more overwhelmed than when they walked in. 

Plus, creating a plan helps the student develop skills and tools for the future AND get more excited and take ownership of the college planning process.

Here's a 3-step process to follow for navigating the college fair:

A.  “Begin with the end in mind”:  have an idea of what you want to accomplish by attending – what you want for your outcome.  Is your child a sophomore and this is their first college fair?  If so, it can be overwhelming. Thinking about what, specifically, they want to get out of it can help create the game plan.  For example,  maybe they want to develop an initial list of colleges they are interested in.  In fact, breaking that down into a more specific goal helps them know they achieved a successful outcome and “reached their destination”, like “I want to have an initial list of 15 colleges that I’m interested in by the time we leave tonight”. 

Side note:  the more specific the outcome, the easier it will be to celebrate the accomplishment AND plan for distractions.  This way, when your child asks if they can “go off with their friends”, the answer isn’t yes or no, it is based on if the outcome was achieved.  You can ask a question like “have you found 15 colleges that are interested in”?  And at that point, your child can make a choice about how they want to proceed – by continuing to look for colleges with their friends or by completing the outcome and then meeting them later.

B.  Create a game plan based on the desired outcome: have your child decide how they want to accomplish said outcome and what is most important for them to complete.  This allows them to take into account the way the event is being executed and how to maximize their time.  For example, with over 200 booths and hundreds of students they may want to concentrate on colleges that are furthest away and least likely to be able to visit.   This may also help them to begin to create their criteria – like “I will focus on colleges on the East Coast” or “I know I don’t want to travel further than 3 hours by plane”.

C.  Do a debrief and set up one next step: have a quick discussion when you get home about their thoughts and come up with one action item they can accomplish over the next week to continue the great work they did!   For example, they may decide to research the colleges and find 10 things they love about them, based on their discussion with the college rep or find 5 colleges that are similar to those schools to increase their list. 

To find a college fair near you, you can click on this link.  The NACAC (National Association for College Admission Counseling) is on the road throughout the country, in Spring and again the Fall. 

And, I encourage you to check your local high school(s) or districts, as they may be putting on their own version, as the San Dieguito Union High School District (SDUHSD) is doing:

It’s been said that “life is about the journey, not the destination”.  And it has also been said that “if you fail to plan, you plan to fail”.   As a coach, I believe it can be both, especially when it comes to the overall college process.  When it comes to college readiness, the planning and preparation is as important as the application process.

Creating a vision of the outcome helps the student begin to take ownership of their future and creating a plan helps them develop skills and tools to get them there that they can use now, in college and for their future!

What are your “go to” strategies for navigating college fairs?  I’d love to hear your ideas! Or, let me know how this "roadmap" works for your college fair journey!

The overwhelm of "Overchoice"

Overchoice, according to Wikipedia, is a term describing a cognitive process in which people have a difficult time making a decision when faced with many options. The term was first introduced by Alvin Toffler in his 1970 book, Future Shock.

This term was coined over 45 years ago, far ahead of its time,  and has exponentially increased, in part due to the tremendous amount of  technological advancements we’ve experienced since then.

 “Overchoice”  or “choice overload” can be part of any big decision but in the world of a high school student it doesn’t get much bigger than entering into the college planning process.

Many of my students have shared with me that while they were extremely excited about college and being able to make their own decisions about what classes they were able to take, it was also terrifying.  They realized that their entire school career up til now was basically ALL planned out for them.  Each decision was based on “getting into college”.  Each class led to the next class.  Standardized tests were taken to get good scores for college.  There was a structured, mostly inflexible path that they had been following with respect to their academic career.  “What if I make the wrong choice” was the predominant question they asked me.

In fact, it is this fear of making the wrong choice that often contributes to shutting down and feeling stuck.  Seemingly simple questions like “What college do you want to go to” and “What are you majoring in” can open up a Pandora’s box of choice overload because what you are really asking teens is “Who are you” and “What do you want”.   These questions are difficult enough for an adult, let alone teenagers grappling with  major life choices for their future that, for the most part, have been answered for them by following the structured pathway of “pre-college preparation”.   

The great news, and YES, there is great news,  is that the college planning process is a fantastic opportunity to learn skills and tools that build a foundation that will help your children throughout college as well as throughout their entire lives! “Who am I” and “What do I want” are foundational questions that come up during numerous times of transition in our lives from choosing your first career to becoming an empty nester to planning retirement.

And, as with any big decisions, the best way to start is to diffuse the stress, so you can start to think in a more creative, solution-oriented way.

Here is a 3-step process you can use – both for your teen AND for you:

1.       Think about a decision you made that you are proud of – or you feel worked out well.  

2.       Describe the situation.  How did you handle it?  What did you do well?

3.       List all of the things you just described that you did well and that you liked about what you did.  How can you use these things to help you with the decision or choice you are making?

When we get into overwhelm, we tend to think about all that can go wrong, so thinking about what we’ve already done well is a great way to quickly restore confidence.  It also shows your teen that they ALREADY have the ability to make a good decision.   

And, once the stress is lifted and they realize that they already HAVE the superpower of making good decisions, they are able to think much more creatively and come up with ideas and solutions for the choice at hand!  Try it the next time you have a difficult decision to make!

As a coach, I have the tremendous joy and honor of helping my students to build these skills and tools as part of their college planning and application process! 

I love to watch the spark of excitement in my student’s eyes as they begin to take ownership of the process and build their “choice-muscle”. 

A favorite story is one of my students who was frustrated at being asked “What are you majoring in” at family gatherings.  The holidays were coming up and she realized that the enormity of the question was what was causing her to completely shut down.  After going through the exercise above, she realized that she had many opportunities where she had made decisions that she was proud of and knew that she would continue to do so.  And that college would be a wonderful way to continue to discover information that would help her to know the answer to that question, as well as many others!

Diffusing the stress also helped her to creatively come up with her answer to:  “What are you majoring in”  that she used at family gatherings and upcoming holiday parties:  “I’m in the process of discovering that” she would happily tell friends and relatives and the best thing is that she totally was!!

. 

Dare to Dream

Those of you who know me know that when I admire someone, I tend to be a bit, um, what’s the word…obsessive?  

Not that this is a bad thing.  Besides,  I think that word gets a bad rap because of the range of definitions associated with it.  Everything from the relatively normal (all-consuming) to the pathological (neurotic).  Simon Sinek, John Wooden, Walt Disney are three of the names that come to mind as people whom I truly admire and respect and whose ideas I embrace.

When I began working with high school students and created my foundation of HOW and WHY I chose to work with them, one of the key parts of my mission statement was to support them to go through the college planning, preparation and application process WITHOUT OVERWHELM.  The “without overwhelm” part was HUGE on so many levels, because I knew, through my coach training, that engaging in ANY activity when we are stressed or overwhelmed limits our capacity for productivity, for creativity, and for accessing all parts of our brain that help us to do our best!  That’s why it wasn’t too surprising when Frank Bruni, best-selling author and Op-Ed columnist for the New York Times entered my radar and became my newest “obsession”.   His mission to bring awareness to the college admissions process and to CHANGE the way colleges conduct the process is nothing short of heroic!  His most recent article in the January 19th edition of the New York Times literally makes me dance with delight. You can read it here:

Among the many wonderful ideas and thoughts in this article, this one, in particular,  stands out for me:

“The report also suggests that colleges discourage manic résumé padding ….. that they better use essays and references to figure out which students’ community-service projects are heartfelt and which are merely window dressing:”

This seemingly simple thought has such a HUGE ripple effect, not only on reducing the overwhelm and stress of the entire process but ALSO the opportunity for students to begin from a place of discovering WHO they are and what is important to them and WHY – which effects their choices and decisions throughout their entire life!

 The more that students operate from a place of what activities they SHOULD do to get into the college they think they SHOULD go to,  the less they know themselves and their own abilities, strengths and passions and the less they develop their own dreams!

Watching the joy and happiness they feel when they express those dreams, when they find activities that they love, that they are great at,  is indescribable.  And, the more inspired they are to create and follow THEIR plan, the more they develop  confidence, self-esteem and resiliency  - qualities that help them to choose a college,  help them IN college and in LIFE!

This was recently reinforced for me in speaking with a student that I am working with when I asked her what she most hopes to accomplish from our time together.  She expressed how she has a bunch of things she wants to do and she would love to combine her dreams with finding a college that will help her to both expand on them and provide a way to help them to be expressed in a viable way. WOW!

 It reminds me of the lyrics to one of my favorite Paramore songs:

“I wanna get out and build my own home
On a street where reality is not much different from dreams I've had”

John Wooden, Walt Disney, Simon Sinek, Frank Bruni – move over.  I think I will be adding this young student to my list in the very near future. 

Dare to Dream, indeed!

It all comes down to "WHY"

“Finding WHY is a process of discovery, not invention.”

- Simon Sinek, author of Start with Why

I love this quote!!  Well, let’s be honest, I love just about anything and everything Simon Sinek says.  (Simon says!!).  

He inspires me with his emphasis on finding the “WHY” of the goal, task or mission and this inspiration has shaped the way I work with my students in helping them find their mission, and complete their goals throughout their college planning and preparation process.

Mr. Sinek’s quote above is one I actually hadn’t read or seen before and it really hit home. You see, discovery is all about inventing over and over again, using the information and feedback to make new and different choices.  

When we operate from discovery, we are always open and always learning.  Each experience is not about failure or success – it’s about how we interpret the results to change course for the next time.  

Discovery is also about evaluating the outcome from a new and different perspective, and having the willingness to try something new and move forward, instead of allowing failure to hold us back. 

I had the most awesome experience recently while helping one of my students brainstorm for one of her college application essays.  The essay prompt asked her to take a look at the failures she had experienced in her life and how she’d learned from them, and she was having a hard time coming up with something that she had failed at.  

My first thoughts about this prompt were “failures experienced in life?” 

Really?  

These kids are 17 and 18 years old at most - failure is a VERY strong word.  I sincerely hope that none of them have felt like they experienced failure!  

How about not achieving a goal?  How about not winning?  But failure!!! 

Okay, so then I calmed myself down, got out of my own head and we looked up the definition of failure together, as a way to start brainstorming this question.  

What we found is that the actual definition of failure is:  “lack of success”. 

Okay - cool!  

So, now we are getting somewhere.  I knew that she had been competing in dance since she was five years old, so I asked her:  “have there been any competitions or events in the last 12 years where you did not experience success”?  

And she said “oh yes, there were many competitions where I didn’t win”.

So I asked her, “well, how did that feel and how would you like to write about those ‘failures’.  (Internal eye roll and grimace at that ‘failure’ word!)

She said to me: “But I don’t consider those failures.  Each competition you either win or lose, and you use that to figure out what you want to do differently for next time”.

Trying my absolute hardest not to burst into tears of joy, jump up and down and hug her - I said “I love that - how would you like to write about that”.  

And she did!  And she started with “Why”!

She wrote about how she was participating in dance because she loved it.  That she was learning from every competition about ways that she could do things different for the next event and how to maximize her performance. And how, if she lost, it wasn’t a failure to her, it was an opportunity to learn and grow. 

As we head into the holiday season, in the midst of shopping and cooking and work events and traffic – I encourage you to take a moment here and there and focus on your “why” so that all of the other stress fades away, even if just for a moment.

I know that if you’re willing to try this, you’ll find more opportunities to experience the many opportunities to be thankful for this season!

Makin' a List...Checkin' It Twice (or maybe 3 or 4 times)

It’s hard not to be list-obsessed, especially during the fast approaching holiday season. I know it is definitely influencing my thoughts as my most recent emails are all about list-making.

I wish I could chalk it up to the holiday season, but I’ve always been a huge list-maker.  I remember as a teenager having post-it notes all over the place as reminders and the quantity of said post-its has only increased as an adult. 

- Shopping lists

- Weekly, daily, monthly“to do” lists 

- Priority lists

- Long-term goals

- Short-term goals

Yes… For me, as you can see- it is all about the list.

As a visual person, list making is not just a tool to keep track of all I have to do,  it’s also a creative process.  The actual act of making a list gets the thoughts and ideas out of my head and onto paper.

 This process clears my head, makes the items more real, and insures that the creative ideas and thoughts won’t be forgotten.  List making also helps me to plan ahead, and make adjustments if necessary.

Also, let’s not forget the total satisfaction derived from crossing things off and knowing they are accomplished!  I hope I’m not the only one out there that writes something down that I did that wasn’t on the list originally JUST for the sheer joy of crossing it off!

Lists can be powerful and life-changing!  I find this to be the case in college planning as well, especially when the lists are unique, customized and part of the student’s creative process.   

It is SO rewarding to work with a high school sophomore or junior and watch their college experience come alive! This happens most frequently when we work together to take the ideas that are in their head and create their own customized college criteria – their list! 

The actual act of putting their thoughts on paper helps them to take that which is unknown and possibly scary and overwhelming to that which is known, tangible, focused and exciting!

This recently happened with one of my sophomore students.  Once we had created her customized college criteria, we started to put together her initial list of schools. She immediately got extremely excited at the future she was creating. 

Then, all of a sudden, she got rather quiet.  When I asked her what was going on, she said:

“I wish I worked harder my freshman year so that I could get into these schools”.

As I congratulated her for her awareness, I said to her:

“What would it feel like to be saying this to me as a senior, working on your applications?”

She immediately brightened up as I knew she understood the opportunity! She had several years in high school to make good on her commitment to work harder, stay focused and do what she needed to do to apply to her newly identified colleges of interest. 

She also realized she could impact her extracurricular activities, and could even revise her list of colleges between now and her senior year.  We happily spent the next half hour making lists of activities and interests that she was excited to explore next semester!

Ahhhh, another convert to the list-making club!!!  

The Power of Procrastination

One of the biggest “a ha’s” I had when I started working in the coaching profession, was learning to look at words without attaching judgment to them. 

There are some words that conjure up stronger feelings than others, and one of those words is procrastination. 

Let’s look at some of the well-known quotes we have probably heard that suggest that procrastination is “bad” and starting early is “good”:

“The early bird catches the worm”

"Procrastination makes easy things hard, hard things harder". (Mason Cooley)

"Never put off until tomorrow what may be done day after tomorrow just as well" (Mark Twain)

Let me ask you what might be a challenging question:

What if procrastination wasn’t good or bad?  What if it was just a description of an action?

As you know, one of the many ways I work with students in their college planning is to help them explore their values, their strengths and their interests to discover more about who they are, what they love and WHY. 

This is not only the foundation for college planning. It really has an impact on everything students will experience along their journey. From choosing their extracurricular activities and classes in high school, to writing essays and conducting college interviews, this foundational process is at the heart of every experience!

This process of my students learning who they are, what they love and WHY they love it, can also help us recognize procrastination as simply the dictionary definition:

Procrastination – (noun): “The action of delaying or postponing something”

Once we look at this word for what it actually means, instead of creating a judgment around it, we can begin to ask more enlightening questions besides “is this good or bad”.

Without judgment, we can ask questions that provide insight into the REASONS behind the delay, or questions that might show us why procrastination could be a strength instead of a weakness.

This became abundantly clear several years ago when I was working with one of my first students.

I asked him to describe his process for working on projects.  As he described what he did, he sheepishly got to the end and said:

 “Well, to be honest, once I get here, I usually wait until the night before and complete the project”. 

Then, instead of launching into how he could plan further out and what steps he could take, I found myself asking him:

“And…how does that work for you?”

(I can only credit incredible restraint and intuitive inspiration combined with my coach training that prompted me to ask the above question!)

After I asked him this question, he broke into a HUGE SMILE of relief, excitement and pride and said:

“Really, really well actually”

He then proceeded to tell me exactly why it worked for him, and how having a firm deadline gave him the motivation to push himself to do his best work. 

I then asked him if there ever was a time where he waited until right before the deadline and wished he had started earlier or done anything differently.

 He thought about it and said:

“No, there hasn’t been”.

WOW! 

What an eye opener for both him AND me! 

For him, it was the first time that he was actually acknowledged for his process instead of criticized.  For me, it opened up a way to take this strength of his, and explore how he could capitalize on it to complete his college applications. 

While he worked ahead on gathering the information he needed- he combined that with sitting down 2 days prior to each of the deadlines we had set up. 

What if it wasn’t about the good or bad, right or wrong of the process?

What if it was more about the individual aspect of why we do it and how it works for us?

What kind of possibilities might that inspire? 

To your success!  

Take the STRESS out of choosing the right extra-curriculars

It’s that time again!  It’s Back To School – that crazy, busy time of adjusting to new schedules, getting situated with new classes and the stress and pressure of figuring out which extracurricular activities are the best ones to choose for this year so that your child’s resume will stand out and represents what the colleges are looking for. 

There is no magic formula for figuring out what a college is looking for in terms of their overall class profile, and that changes every single year, so let’s remove some of the stress and pressure by looking at this another way!

I’m often asked how to create a balance between making sure that your child looks like they have a well-rounded, diverse portfolio and also getting them excited about coming up with ideas and executing them.  

AND…the key, is helping them to figure out what it is that THEY want to do so that they are motivated and inspired to create a plan that they feel excited to carry out.

Too often, I believe, high school students end up choosing activities that people tell them they “should” do or that “look good on a resume” or fit a specific criteria they think that the colleges want to see (and we’ve taken that aspect out of the equation in paragraph two above!).  

Instead, I love to see my students really using these formative years to explore who they are, learn what they love, and join activities and clubs that reflect THAT.

This is one of the reasons I love working with students early in the process, even as early as their freshman or sophomore year. 

When we sit down and really discuss the their interests, passions, curiosities and ideas, they can really approach their high school years as a time of learning, growth, and self-discovery. This is a very different experience than the “resume building”, pressure cooker that high school can become in the junior and senior year.

You may be asking yourself how to get your child to try new things, when they mostly want to do what their friends are doing, or what’s “cool”, or what they think will “look good” on their resume. 

One fabulous approach to this process comes from the world of improvisational acting.

One of the basic skills taught to improv actors is the concept of “Yes, AND….”.

Here’s the principle:

As an improv comedian, you learn to never deny your fellow actor. Instead, you learn that you must be willing and able to accept the ideas the character conveys. Then, you add to the scene by saying the words “Yes, AND….” or simply affirming what the actor is saying and allowing them to build on it.

Here’s an example from a possible improv scene:

“What a hot and miserable day it is to work in the field”

“Yes, and we have to be out there for 12 more hours”

On the contrary, look at what happens when you deny your fellow actor:

“What a hot and miserable day it is to work in the field”

“No it’s not, we’ve had hotter days”.

In the second example, the other person is shut down, with nowhere to go – you’ve limited their opportunity to move forward with the scene.

Here’s how “Yes, AND….” works with your child in encouraging their ideas AND suggesting new ones that they may have expressed:

Your child:  “I’m going to volunteer at the Red Cross because Megan and Lily are going to.”

You:  “That sounds great!  I also remember you telling me that you were interested in working with animals. What if you volunteered with the girls AND looked into working at the Humane Society too”.

This approach adds to the “scene” your child created AND provides an additional opportunity to look at something new based on what THEY expressed interest in!  

Here are the benefits you just accomplished based on this “Yes, AND……”  approach:

a. You acknowledged and validated your child’s idea

b. You introduced the concept of “and” and got them thinking that it doesn’t have to be “either/or”

c. You provided motivation and encouragement to explore something they LIKE and may WANT to do, which….

d. Increases their motivation AND increases the chances that they will stick with it

Instead of “denying the actor”, you’ve left room to see where the scene continues!!!

BRAVO!  

This is just one example of how you can make your child’s high school extracurricular activities truly reflect who they really are.

When I work with my students one on one, this is one of my favorite areas to explore with them, as I get to see them really come alive as they realize the possibilities of choosing their path, instead of having their path imposed upon them via peer pressure or the “shoulds”

If you’d like to have a conversation about how your family and I might be able to work together, I invite you to apply for a complimentary discovery session by clicking here.

We will take a look at where you are now with the college planning process and what your best next steps are to get you where you want to be so that you and your child can truly ENJOY this journey!

To your success!!

Mira

Choosing your college major...(and a fun Facebook quiz)

I recently took a quiz on Facebook about “What Should Your College Major Actually Be”.  I’ve included the link to the quiz at the bottom of this blog if you’d like to give it a shot.

I answered as honestly as possible, and my answer was that my college major should be “biology”.  

WHAT??????  Not even CLOSE to any of the millions of things I was considering. 

So I put on my coaching hat to start to explore patterns and connect the dots and looked at the explanation for that choice.

It said:

“You’re fascinated by how things work and genuinely excited about 

figuring it out”.  Well, if you substitute “things” for “people”, that is RIGHT on.  

But wait…

I do remember early on that I was the kid who loved working in my father’s lab, who grew things in petri dishes for science experiments.  

I was the one who was fascinated by how the body worked.  It wasn’t until I took a psychology class that I learned that as much as I loved how the body worked, I loved how the mind worked even more. 

You never know what may spark a new interest, right? Maybe it’s an elective class you got "stuck" with. Maybe it’s volunteering or working a summer job somewhere. 

Of course, let’s not forget Facebook quizzes! It's always fun to take quizzes to see what comes up! 

The best advice I can give you about choosing a major, or a course of study is to just BE OPEN! 

Be willing to look at everything with an open mind, free of judgment, or what you think you “should” be choosing. This is an exciting time in your life, and it’s perfectly acceptable to have lots of interests and possibilities!

Where coaching comes in, is to help you to see those connections and patterns between all you've done, and then help you to create a plan that connects the dots in the ways that best reflect what YOU want to do. It's what I love to do! 

So no matter where you are in your college planning journey, I hope you enjoy the possibilities today!

Oh…and BTW…here’s that Facebook quiz I took. Let me know in the comments below what it said YOUR major should be.