It all comes down to "WHY"

“Finding WHY is a process of discovery, not invention.”

- Simon Sinek, author of Start with Why

I love this quote!!  Well, let’s be honest, I love just about anything and everything Simon Sinek says.  (Simon says!!).  

He inspires me with his emphasis on finding the “WHY” of the goal, task or mission and this inspiration has shaped the way I work with my students in helping them find their mission, and complete their goals throughout their college planning and preparation process.

Mr. Sinek’s quote above is one I actually hadn’t read or seen before and it really hit home. You see, discovery is all about inventing over and over again, using the information and feedback to make new and different choices.  

When we operate from discovery, we are always open and always learning.  Each experience is not about failure or success – it’s about how we interpret the results to change course for the next time.  

Discovery is also about evaluating the outcome from a new and different perspective, and having the willingness to try something new and move forward, instead of allowing failure to hold us back. 

I had the most awesome experience recently while helping one of my students brainstorm for one of her college application essays.  The essay prompt asked her to take a look at the failures she had experienced in her life and how she’d learned from them, and she was having a hard time coming up with something that she had failed at.  

My first thoughts about this prompt were “failures experienced in life?” 

Really?  

These kids are 17 and 18 years old at most - failure is a VERY strong word.  I sincerely hope that none of them have felt like they experienced failure!  

How about not achieving a goal?  How about not winning?  But failure!!! 

Okay, so then I calmed myself down, got out of my own head and we looked up the definition of failure together, as a way to start brainstorming this question.  

What we found is that the actual definition of failure is:  “lack of success”. 

Okay - cool!  

So, now we are getting somewhere.  I knew that she had been competing in dance since she was five years old, so I asked her:  “have there been any competitions or events in the last 12 years where you did not experience success”?  

And she said “oh yes, there were many competitions where I didn’t win”.

So I asked her, “well, how did that feel and how would you like to write about those ‘failures’.  (Internal eye roll and grimace at that ‘failure’ word!)

She said to me: “But I don’t consider those failures.  Each competition you either win or lose, and you use that to figure out what you want to do differently for next time”.

Trying my absolute hardest not to burst into tears of joy, jump up and down and hug her - I said “I love that - how would you like to write about that”.  

And she did!  And she started with “Why”!

She wrote about how she was participating in dance because she loved it.  That she was learning from every competition about ways that she could do things different for the next event and how to maximize her performance. And how, if she lost, it wasn’t a failure to her, it was an opportunity to learn and grow. 

As we head into the holiday season, in the midst of shopping and cooking and work events and traffic – I encourage you to take a moment here and there and focus on your “why” so that all of the other stress fades away, even if just for a moment.

I know that if you’re willing to try this, you’ll find more opportunities to experience the many opportunities to be thankful for this season!

Makin' a List...Checkin' It Twice (or maybe 3 or 4 times)

It’s hard not to be list-obsessed, especially during the fast approaching holiday season. I know it is definitely influencing my thoughts as my most recent emails are all about list-making.

I wish I could chalk it up to the holiday season, but I’ve always been a huge list-maker.  I remember as a teenager having post-it notes all over the place as reminders and the quantity of said post-its has only increased as an adult. 

- Shopping lists

- Weekly, daily, monthly“to do” lists 

- Priority lists

- Long-term goals

- Short-term goals

Yes… For me, as you can see- it is all about the list.

As a visual person, list making is not just a tool to keep track of all I have to do,  it’s also a creative process.  The actual act of making a list gets the thoughts and ideas out of my head and onto paper.

 This process clears my head, makes the items more real, and insures that the creative ideas and thoughts won’t be forgotten.  List making also helps me to plan ahead, and make adjustments if necessary.

Also, let’s not forget the total satisfaction derived from crossing things off and knowing they are accomplished!  I hope I’m not the only one out there that writes something down that I did that wasn’t on the list originally JUST for the sheer joy of crossing it off!

Lists can be powerful and life-changing!  I find this to be the case in college planning as well, especially when the lists are unique, customized and part of the student’s creative process.   

It is SO rewarding to work with a high school sophomore or junior and watch their college experience come alive! This happens most frequently when we work together to take the ideas that are in their head and create their own customized college criteria – their list! 

The actual act of putting their thoughts on paper helps them to take that which is unknown and possibly scary and overwhelming to that which is known, tangible, focused and exciting!

This recently happened with one of my sophomore students.  Once we had created her customized college criteria, we started to put together her initial list of schools. She immediately got extremely excited at the future she was creating. 

Then, all of a sudden, she got rather quiet.  When I asked her what was going on, she said:

“I wish I worked harder my freshman year so that I could get into these schools”.

As I congratulated her for her awareness, I said to her:

“What would it feel like to be saying this to me as a senior, working on your applications?”

She immediately brightened up as I knew she understood the opportunity! She had several years in high school to make good on her commitment to work harder, stay focused and do what she needed to do to apply to her newly identified colleges of interest. 

She also realized she could impact her extracurricular activities, and could even revise her list of colleges between now and her senior year.  We happily spent the next half hour making lists of activities and interests that she was excited to explore next semester!

Ahhhh, another convert to the list-making club!!!  

The Power of Procrastination

One of the biggest “a ha’s” I had when I started working in the coaching profession, was learning to look at words without attaching judgment to them. 

There are some words that conjure up stronger feelings than others, and one of those words is procrastination. 

Let’s look at some of the well-known quotes we have probably heard that suggest that procrastination is “bad” and starting early is “good”:

“The early bird catches the worm”

"Procrastination makes easy things hard, hard things harder". (Mason Cooley)

"Never put off until tomorrow what may be done day after tomorrow just as well" (Mark Twain)

Let me ask you what might be a challenging question:

What if procrastination wasn’t good or bad?  What if it was just a description of an action?

As you know, one of the many ways I work with students in their college planning is to help them explore their values, their strengths and their interests to discover more about who they are, what they love and WHY. 

This is not only the foundation for college planning. It really has an impact on everything students will experience along their journey. From choosing their extracurricular activities and classes in high school, to writing essays and conducting college interviews, this foundational process is at the heart of every experience!

This process of my students learning who they are, what they love and WHY they love it, can also help us recognize procrastination as simply the dictionary definition:

Procrastination – (noun): “The action of delaying or postponing something”

Once we look at this word for what it actually means, instead of creating a judgment around it, we can begin to ask more enlightening questions besides “is this good or bad”.

Without judgment, we can ask questions that provide insight into the REASONS behind the delay, or questions that might show us why procrastination could be a strength instead of a weakness.

This became abundantly clear several years ago when I was working with one of my first students.

I asked him to describe his process for working on projects.  As he described what he did, he sheepishly got to the end and said:

 “Well, to be honest, once I get here, I usually wait until the night before and complete the project”. 

Then, instead of launching into how he could plan further out and what steps he could take, I found myself asking him:

“And…how does that work for you?”

(I can only credit incredible restraint and intuitive inspiration combined with my coach training that prompted me to ask the above question!)

After I asked him this question, he broke into a HUGE SMILE of relief, excitement and pride and said:

“Really, really well actually”

He then proceeded to tell me exactly why it worked for him, and how having a firm deadline gave him the motivation to push himself to do his best work. 

I then asked him if there ever was a time where he waited until right before the deadline and wished he had started earlier or done anything differently.

 He thought about it and said:

“No, there hasn’t been”.

WOW! 

What an eye opener for both him AND me! 

For him, it was the first time that he was actually acknowledged for his process instead of criticized.  For me, it opened up a way to take this strength of his, and explore how he could capitalize on it to complete his college applications. 

While he worked ahead on gathering the information he needed- he combined that with sitting down 2 days prior to each of the deadlines we had set up. 

What if it wasn’t about the good or bad, right or wrong of the process?

What if it was more about the individual aspect of why we do it and how it works for us?

What kind of possibilities might that inspire? 

To your success!  

Take the STRESS out of choosing the right extra-curriculars

It’s that time again!  It’s Back To School – that crazy, busy time of adjusting to new schedules, getting situated with new classes and the stress and pressure of figuring out which extracurricular activities are the best ones to choose for this year so that your child’s resume will stand out and represents what the colleges are looking for. 

There is no magic formula for figuring out what a college is looking for in terms of their overall class profile, and that changes every single year, so let’s remove some of the stress and pressure by looking at this another way!

I’m often asked how to create a balance between making sure that your child looks like they have a well-rounded, diverse portfolio and also getting them excited about coming up with ideas and executing them.  

AND…the key, is helping them to figure out what it is that THEY want to do so that they are motivated and inspired to create a plan that they feel excited to carry out.

Too often, I believe, high school students end up choosing activities that people tell them they “should” do or that “look good on a resume” or fit a specific criteria they think that the colleges want to see (and we’ve taken that aspect out of the equation in paragraph two above!).  

Instead, I love to see my students really using these formative years to explore who they are, learn what they love, and join activities and clubs that reflect THAT.

This is one of the reasons I love working with students early in the process, even as early as their freshman or sophomore year. 

When we sit down and really discuss the their interests, passions, curiosities and ideas, they can really approach their high school years as a time of learning, growth, and self-discovery. This is a very different experience than the “resume building”, pressure cooker that high school can become in the junior and senior year.

You may be asking yourself how to get your child to try new things, when they mostly want to do what their friends are doing, or what’s “cool”, or what they think will “look good” on their resume. 

One fabulous approach to this process comes from the world of improvisational acting.

One of the basic skills taught to improv actors is the concept of “Yes, AND….”.

Here’s the principle:

As an improv comedian, you learn to never deny your fellow actor. Instead, you learn that you must be willing and able to accept the ideas the character conveys. Then, you add to the scene by saying the words “Yes, AND….” or simply affirming what the actor is saying and allowing them to build on it.

Here’s an example from a possible improv scene:

“What a hot and miserable day it is to work in the field”

“Yes, and we have to be out there for 12 more hours”

On the contrary, look at what happens when you deny your fellow actor:

“What a hot and miserable day it is to work in the field”

“No it’s not, we’ve had hotter days”.

In the second example, the other person is shut down, with nowhere to go – you’ve limited their opportunity to move forward with the scene.

Here’s how “Yes, AND….” works with your child in encouraging their ideas AND suggesting new ones that they may have expressed:

Your child:  “I’m going to volunteer at the Red Cross because Megan and Lily are going to.”

You:  “That sounds great!  I also remember you telling me that you were interested in working with animals. What if you volunteered with the girls AND looked into working at the Humane Society too”.

This approach adds to the “scene” your child created AND provides an additional opportunity to look at something new based on what THEY expressed interest in!  

Here are the benefits you just accomplished based on this “Yes, AND……”  approach:

a. You acknowledged and validated your child’s idea

b. You introduced the concept of “and” and got them thinking that it doesn’t have to be “either/or”

c. You provided motivation and encouragement to explore something they LIKE and may WANT to do, which….

d. Increases their motivation AND increases the chances that they will stick with it

Instead of “denying the actor”, you’ve left room to see where the scene continues!!!

BRAVO!  

This is just one example of how you can make your child’s high school extracurricular activities truly reflect who they really are.

When I work with my students one on one, this is one of my favorite areas to explore with them, as I get to see them really come alive as they realize the possibilities of choosing their path, instead of having their path imposed upon them via peer pressure or the “shoulds”

If you’d like to have a conversation about how your family and I might be able to work together, I invite you to apply for a complimentary discovery session by clicking here.

We will take a look at where you are now with the college planning process and what your best next steps are to get you where you want to be so that you and your child can truly ENJOY this journey!

To your success!!

Mira

Choosing your college major...(and a fun Facebook quiz)

I recently took a quiz on Facebook about “What Should Your College Major Actually Be”.  I’ve included the link to the quiz at the bottom of this blog if you’d like to give it a shot.

I answered as honestly as possible, and my answer was that my college major should be “biology”.  

WHAT??????  Not even CLOSE to any of the millions of things I was considering. 

So I put on my coaching hat to start to explore patterns and connect the dots and looked at the explanation for that choice.

It said:

“You’re fascinated by how things work and genuinely excited about 

figuring it out”.  Well, if you substitute “things” for “people”, that is RIGHT on.  

But wait…

I do remember early on that I was the kid who loved working in my father’s lab, who grew things in petri dishes for science experiments.  

I was the one who was fascinated by how the body worked.  It wasn’t until I took a psychology class that I learned that as much as I loved how the body worked, I loved how the mind worked even more. 

You never know what may spark a new interest, right? Maybe it’s an elective class you got "stuck" with. Maybe it’s volunteering or working a summer job somewhere. 

Of course, let’s not forget Facebook quizzes! It's always fun to take quizzes to see what comes up! 

The best advice I can give you about choosing a major, or a course of study is to just BE OPEN! 

Be willing to look at everything with an open mind, free of judgment, or what you think you “should” be choosing. This is an exciting time in your life, and it’s perfectly acceptable to have lots of interests and possibilities!

Where coaching comes in, is to help you to see those connections and patterns between all you've done, and then help you to create a plan that connects the dots in the ways that best reflect what YOU want to do. It's what I love to do! 

So no matter where you are in your college planning journey, I hope you enjoy the possibilities today!

Oh…and BTW…here’s that Facebook quiz I took. Let me know in the comments below what it said YOUR major should be.

The Advantage of "Undecided" - how not choosing can be a great choice!

"Your time is limited, so don't waste it living someone else's life. Don't be trapped by dogma — which is living with the results of other people's thinking. Don't let the noise of others' opinions drown out your own inner voice. And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition. They somehow already know what you truly want to become. Everything else is secondary" - Steve Jobs

I love this quote!  It was spoken as part of the commencement address that Steve Jobs gave to the Stanford University graduating class of 2005.  And, to me, it speaks in defense of beginning your first semester of college, and even your first year of college,  without a declared major.

One of the areas that students stress most about in college planning, once they've chosen their list of colleges, is around the subject of choosing a major.  "What if I don't exactly know what I want to major in?"  "What if I change my mind?"  How far behind will I be if I don't begin my first semester knowing what I want to do?" 

I distinctly remember entering college as a math/computer science major.  My few quarters were filled with calculus, computer science, and a frenzied attempt to "get through" the prerequisites so I could move on to the next class in my major.  It was all about "completing the requirements" which was exactly what I had done in high school. It occurred to me that one of the main things I was MOST looking forward to in college was that I didn't HAVE to have a limited, curriculum filled with prerequisites! That I could explore new and different subjects! It was then that I decided to be "undeclared" for a quarter and that was when I took my first communications class.  Two years later, it was my love of that class that led me to declaring my major in communications (that, and not wanting to take physics) and a career in radio sales and management that was my passion for many years!  

Here are just a few additional reasons why it is not only okay to begin college as "undecided", but it is actually an advantage to do so:

1.  It allows you to concentrate on your general education classes and get those completed so you have more time to spend on classes in your major, once you choose.

2. It helps you to ease into your new college lifestyle without the pressure of taking core pre-requisite classes for your major. 

3.  It provides the opportunity to look at the general education classes from a different perspective - not just as "classes to get out of the way" but as opportunities to be exposed to new subjects and create possibilities and ideas for majors that you might not have even thought of.

4.  It creates the freedom to take take classes your first year that you may not have thought about taking, providing the opportunity to learn more about what you love, why you love it and how you can connect that to choosing a major.

5.  It creates the opportunity to follow your heart and your intuition, as Steve Jobs eloquently states, which means you'll have a much higher probability that you'll find a major and a career you truly love.  

So many jobs and careers that are out there now didn't even exist 5 or 10 years ago, let alone connect to a specific college major. If you know what you want to do and why, by all means, go for it and follow your head and heart.  If not, taking a semester to be open to exploring the wide variety of classes and areas of study that your college has to offer can provide possibilities for your future that you may not have even known existed!

Helping students to explore their passion, discover their purpose and create their plan to find the colleges that are best for them is what I love to do.  If you'd like to learn more, I invite you to apply for one of my complimentary discovery sessions by CLICKING HERE.

Wishing you a wonderful 4th of July Weekend!

Welcome to "May Madness"

In the world of a high school junior, March Madness has NOTHING on May Madness, my friends.  The combination of AP exams, registering for and taking standardized tests, prom, school productions, regular coursework, preparation for final exams, etc.  The list goes on and on.  What students have to juggle throughout the school year is already staggering and it gets crazier in May! In fact, with students I work with, this is actually a time I take a step back from our "scheduled" meetings and work with them on an "on-call" basis to help ease the stress and overwhelm.  Here are a few tips to help you help them - so you both can come out the other side!  It's as easy as A, B, C:

1.  A - Acknowledging and validating the craziness.  It seems so simple but sometimes hard to do when your teenager is snapping at you for the millionth time for what feels like a simple question. Think about how great it feels when you're talking to your friends about "said" teenager and sharing that story and they say "Oh my gosh, I know, right? It is SUCH a crazy time.  Mine is totally acting the same way.  It is totally not you.  It's like they turn into an alien from another planet and then summer comes and all is great!"  WOW, automatically you feel like someone understands what you're going through.  And it's the same with your teenager.  Just acknowledging that they have a lot going on and letting them know you understand is a powerful combination.  It could be something like "It makes so much sense that this is a crazy time - look at everything you've got going on.  Anyone in this situation would be feeling like this and look how well you're handling it all.  I'm really proud of you"!  

2. B - Being their source of support.  "Wait a minute", you might say.  I totally support them.  I KNOW you do!  And they know it too.  Support is an interesting thing, though, because many times, we approach how we support someone from OUR perspective of what they need, versus what they may ACTUALLY need.  During this time, YOU need support  AND they need your support.  So, the key is to support your teenager in a way that supports them BUT doesn't deplete you! It's all in which definition of support you use.  "Support" is literally defined as: "bearing all or part of the weight" and "to give assistance or keep upright".  THAT'S the definition you're looking for!  BE on the lookout for when they may be about to "topple over" - they'll probably tell you -  and then ask them how you can support them at that moment to keep them upright! By not bearing all of the weight and giving assistance when needed, you're supporting them in the way they most need it at that moment AND supporting yourself. 

3. C - Championing them. Very much like support, with some extra cheerleading and reminders that they've got this. Sharing brief tidbits about how they've gotten through stressful situations this year, ways they've done it, things they're great at. Introducing thoughts about what we've accomplished literally shifts the brain from what we can't do to what we CAN do, which helps relieve stress and overwhelm and puts us into creative solution thinking. The immediate reaction you get may still be any of the 7 Dwarfs of May Madness: Grumpy, Grouchy, Cranky, Sleepy, Hungry, Prickly or Gloomy, but what you're saying is being HEARD by them and that's what counts!  You'll be helping them to know you've got their back and that they can do this!  

Those are my A, B, C's for May Madness!  Thanks for reading! I hope that you feel acknowledged, validated, and supported as the amazing parents you are!  I'm here to champion you!

And, if you'd like to explore how we can work together so that both you and your teenager receive the support you need for wherever you are in your college planning,  I invite you to apply for one of my complimentary discovery sessions by CLICKING HERE.

Wishing you a wonderful May and a great Memorial Day Weekend!

College Visits - Before and After Acceptance

I’m often asked – is it best to visit colleges before the application process or once the student gets accepted to college.  And, as a college coach, my answer, is almost always going to be for any aspect of college planning:  whatever works best for that specific student and outcome they want to create.  

My role, as a coach when I work closely with my clients, is to inspire them, and also alleviate any overwhelm, stress, fear and confusion associated with the process. I want to make it exciting and even fun!

There are a lot of moving parts in the college preparation process, and it can be difficult to know where to begin. If you haven’t already downloaded my resource guide with the 10 Essential Websites to Begin Planning for College, you can grab your free copy by clicking here.

In my experience in working with clients, here are the top 3 reasons I believe it’s important to visit colleges prior to the application process:

1.  It Provides Motivation AND Inspiration.  Someone once told me that the difference between motivation and inspiration is that inspiration is something that you feel on the inside, while motivation is something from the outside that compels you to take action.  

Visiting colleges can be the spark that connects the dots from what choices they make in high school and most important WHY they are making them.  

I’ll never forget my first time on a college campus – seeing all the activity, the beautiful, historic buildings, the student store – that became my inspiration AND my motivation throughout high school to study one hour longer or take a class that was a bit more challenging. 

2.   It Helps Define your Criteria.  The internet is a great resource for taking virtual tours of college campuses but there’s nothing like actually walking around the campus to help further solidify the list of criteria that your child wants in a college and the type of environment that they will thrive in.  

Even if the initial list of choices that your child has is out of state, you can visit local area campuses to help further define the criteria like size of campus, how easy it is to get around, type of buildings (older, more historic or newer and high tech), diversity of the population, proximity to a city and even type of food choices available.  

3. It Creates a “Real Life” Picture.  For any big decision in life, there can be both excitement and fear and fear is mostly created by what is unknown.  

The more that your child can replace the unknowns about college with their own "known" experience, the more excited they will be about executing their plan, completing their applications and creating their future.  

Visiting a college and meeting with a college counselor or even a department head is a great opportunity for your child to ask the questions about what is most important to them and get information that will help them feel much more excited about college and more confident about their opportunity to create a fulfilling experience.

These 3 reasons to visit colleges can ALSO be applied as the reasons to do so even AFTER your child is accepted and is choosing which school to actually attend.  

Visiting a college after acceptance still provides motivation AND inspiration, but is also sets your child up for success to go into college excited and passionate about their choice. This ensures that they are more likely to take action and stay committed to the choice they’ve made.

Another great reason to visit colleges is to rule out any regret or FOMO (fear of missing out) of choosing one college over another.  

This reminds me of one of my favorite stories about the brilliance of one of my clients. 

Her son was thrilled that he got accepted to Loyola Marymount University and 100% certain he was going there – that was until he got accepted to NYU.  

Then, all of a sudden, NYU became THE school of choice and this sun and surf kind of guy was convinced that the New York City campus of NYU was the best place to be over the rolling hills and ocean view of Loyola Marymount – even though he had never been to New York.  

This was a perfect example of how visiting NYU was the perfect way to illustrate the difference between the imagined version of college life at NYU vs the real version of a day in the life of an NYU student and life in New York City.

You might be asking “why spend all of that money for a trip to New York” but when this smart parent weighed the cost of a weekend in New York ($2,000) versus a year’s tuition at NYU ($66,000), the choice was easy.   

Her son was able to look at all of the options and weigh all of the information and choose the school that was the best fit for him – without looking back – with no regrets.

He ended up choosing Loyola Marymount, for half the cost, and is a happy junior there on full scholarship!

It was a joy to see my client make the right decision for them, and it is so rewarding for me to have helped them navigate this process and to see her son succeed.

If you found this post and example helpful and you’d like to chat with me about the best next moves you can make for your college preparation process, I invite you to apply for one of my complimentary discovery sessions by CLICKING HERE.

During that session, we will focus on YOU and identify the most important priorities you should be focused on at your stage of the college preparation process.

Thanks for reading!